Toxias

So it came to my attention today, that not all of you were aware that I moved to wordpress, which is the “mother” site for edublogs and has a lot more features. So, now you know. Nuyaeh brought it up, and for his information, the last post was from June. That is not a year! Anyways, so you can find me here, with all the usual ranting and et cetera.

Summer is turning my brain to mush. Mush. Mush. Mush. I want to finish my novel, but I can’t dredge up the enthusiasm to do so. It’s part writer’s block, part internet interference, and part roleplaying surge. Anyways, as you should know, the world cup is going on this year, and the little traitor that I am, I’m rooting for Dae ham min guk! Ko-re-a! It’s the k-pop in my blood XD. Although, I have yet to watch a single game. I’m getting all the updates from the people on facebook!

Anyways, so Suju (Super Junior: Korean boyband) has a song called Victory Korea, inspired by the world cup. It’s been winning the polls on ESPN. It got 93% of the votes as opposed to 10 other world cup inspired songs which got .6 or so votes each. XD K-pop fans are SCARY when they want to be.

And I wish I could post stuffs here, but I’m not going to until it’s been submitted into a contest in which I WIN. Win, like win win. Otherwise, you guys probably won’t be seeing any short stories here. Only Broken Heart, Shattered Dream will continue on a ragged random non-existant schedule as non-existant as my readers. I had an idea basied on Brooke Fraser’s Hosanna, based on the lines “I see the king of Glory, coming down on clouds with fire. The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes.”

Yeah, so ramble ramble…XD

Guess what! That’s right, go! Haha, not exactly what you were thinking of, yes? But anyways, if you’ve been reading my hopelessly morose updates on life, then you should know that during Relay For Life I’ve played hours of go in one sitting. It’s been something that I have learned to really anticipate. However, one year is an awfully long time. And I will not under any circumstances play with my brother. He’s always so overly enthusiastic about things. Not that this is a bad thing, but it often ruins the fun for me in many things that I like and he likes. So. I won’t play him. He eventually presuaded me, however, to play Go online against robots. I still refuse to play against real people because my self esteem doesn’t need another hit. Actually, I’m sure it could, I’m just sensitive about Go, I guess. Anyways, so I began to play Go online and it’s quite exciting. I rank at a miserly 23k as of the time of this point, which is an improvement from 30k. Yay! My goal is to get to a range of 15k to 10k. Now, at this point, I’m sure you’re confused. ^_^

Go is a war strategy game that is played on a grid, typically 19 by 19 and sometimes 9 by 9. Unlike chess or checkers, the white and black stones are placed on the intersections of the lines, not in the squares themselves. The point of the game is either 1. Gain the most territory, or 2. Capture the most prisoners. It’s one or the other and the rules are set before the game. The first goal is the japanese one and the type most commonly played. The second goal is the chinese one. You capture a prisoner by surrounding an opponant’s stone with yours. The rankings go from 30k to 1k and then 1d to…5d I believe. I’m guessing here. It’s like negative and positive numbers. “k”s are negative and “d” are positive!

The most popular online go server is called KGS. It serves countries all over the world! Isn’t that exciting? It’s downloadable verion, called Goban3 (Goban is what people call the boards on which go is played), runs on Java. And it’s ridiculous. I can beat a 22k bot by a hundred points but a 24k bot and the score goes all the way down to anywhere from 7 to fifty.

But since you can’t really relate to what I’ m rambling about this time, I’ll just put you out of your misery, yes? School is out for me at last! My family and I will be going to Taiwan for three weeks, so expect news on that!

Look! Look! I wrote more! I wrote more! It’s magial. Every time I have an important test coming up, I have an urge to write. It’s crazily stupid! XD Yes. I actually will not diss this story anymore, because I actually do enjoy writing it, and, ridiculously, it’s the easiest to write. Maybe it’s because I don’t expect much from this. Anyways, we’ll see. This part is the one that crosses the 10,000 word line and the next part make 12,000. But I won’t put eight up until I write nine. Which is just my wierdness, m’kay? ^_^

I don’t emerge from my room until performance time, clad in jeans and the black dress shirt that is the uniform of our band. The ever enigmatic Elyn wishes me luck from her place on the couch as she rifles through pictures Soli has taken of her sculptures. I thank her, and then clatter down the stairs with the music sheets in my hand to meet Jain. He flashes me a grin, “The broom is sad he didn’t get to work tonight.”

I smack Jain’s shoulder lightly, “Shut up!”

Jain grins again, and then opens the door for me. Now I understand why he’s so chivalrous to everyone, not just Ryna. We take the horses this time; our venue is rather far out today, to keep our raucous noise away from those who are trying to sleep, I suppose. Moon Shadow whickers at me as I mount up. I still haven’t mastered the fluidity of Jain’s movements, but at least I no longer appear as a bumbling sack of grain upon Moon Shadow’s back. We trot out of Illysiim and onto the plains that surround the city. About a mile or two beyond the outskirts of town there’s an ancient stadium that’s made of completely marble. It even has archaic arching columns.

Jain and I stable Moon Shadow and Annabelle in a stable that is near the stadium before going up to join the rest of the band. Everyone looks something like Elyn today. Utari has thick silver eye shadow and night black eyeliner. Rion and Antuan both have silver markings on their faces, almost reminiscent of tribal war paint. When we jump on stage, Jain is diverted from his drums by Rion, who uses his fingers to replicate the patterns. I had already put on my makeup according to plan. Jain makes me smile when he shouts, “I blame you for not reminding me, Zy!”

“Be a man Jain!” Utari laughs, and then flounces off to check the sound system. Dozens of people are pouring in the stadium already, but a thick makeshift curtain separates us from them. I take my place at the piano and set up my music, making final checks and positioning the bench just so. In another few moments, we’re all in place. Jain provides the drum rolls and Utari announces us with her microphone, “Hey everyone! We’re ready to have a great night, so you better be ready to keep up!”

A wave of cheering crashes over the stage. Without further ado, we plunge into our first song. Jain starts with an amazing show of his ability on his drums, and then the instrumentals all smash in at the same time. I put my whole body into the chords I play. The intro surges along, and then Utari launches into the chorus, “Lightning! The rain comes lashing down. Darkness! The night is falling fast. Fire! Beware the thunder storm, we are ready for battle. We are ready for war.”

The frantic beat gushes through my veins and the lyrics seem to permeate my soul. The night rages on, and everything goes just perfectly. By the end of our concert, I’m dead tired. Songs like the ones we played tonight require a lot of energy. I get up from the bench and link hands with Jain and Utari. We swing our hands high and then plunge into a deep bow, which brings about a new wave of cheering. Then, we’re done! I automatically gather up my things and I’m about to mount Moon Shadow when Jain catches my shoulder and spins me around. He’s got a quite expression on his face, and looks just about as worn out as a feel. Yet he’s still adamant as he says, “Hey Zy, we’re not done yet. You promised me.”

I roll my eyes at him, but I quickly untack Moon Shadow and lead her back into her stall. She flicks an ear at me in confusion, but I pat her neck and follow Jain out into the chilled air. We walk for a while, avoiding the crowds, some who have come my foot and the more sensible by horse. We stroll through the night until the hulking stadium is no longer in sight. Then Jain sits down upon a random spot and pats the ground next to him.

I oblige, but ask, “What are we doing Jain?”

Jain’s smile is mysterious, “We’re star gazing.”

Then he lays back and stares at the sky. He looks very much as ease that I almost want to keep looking at him forever. Whoa. That thought caught me off balance. To chase the thought away I lay down next to Jain. We look at the beautiful stars for a long time in silence. I thought Jain had dozed off when he suddenly spoke, “I used to come here, as a child. This very spot. I used to look at the stars all the time. Then life caught up with me. I haven’t gone star gazing in years now.”

I feel privileged that Jain would share this with me. I venture to ask, “Not even with Ryna?”

“No.”

The absolute tone of his answer surprises me, and at the same time, I feel a guilty sense of…relief. Struggling with my emotions, I look back up at the sky. More time passes with the stars beaming down in ethereal glory. I lose track of how long we’ve been out in the plains. Eventually, I become aware that I’m really cold. Shivering, even. Jain shocks me again when he wraps his arm around my shoulder, hugging me closer. I resist for only a moment. He’s very warm, and his skin feels nice against mine. Once again I catch myself thinking this strange thought. My mind wandering, I finally allow myself to think about today’s events with Tezion. Who did I want to betroth to?

And the answer came so easily now, underneath the stars. It was so obvious. Who else could it possibly be? And yet, it felt so wrong. Because he was…he was already…he was already. Jain seemed to sense my tension, “Anything wrong, Zylin?”

I almost didn’t tell him. But I finally say, “Tezion…said something to me today. About betrothals.”

I can feel Jain’s arms tense and although his voice is carefully controlled, I detect unease underneath it, and even anger, “And?”

“I want clarification. I…can betroth to anyone I want to, right?”

“Beyond a certain age, of course.”

“And is there a difference between betrothal and marriage?”

“Yes. Betrothals cannot be changed unless under dire circumstances and it is highly frowned upon. However, betrothals are not considered truly official. Marriage comes after the couple has been betrothed for two years.”

Taking a deep breath, I forge on, “Tezion…asked me to consider betrothing to him today. And…I’m curious. Why hasn’t he been taken yet?”

Jain is definitely angry at this. He mutters, “Of all the nerve!” and his grip tightened around me. He takes a breath and then replies, “Tezion is a very influential person. Unlike others, he does have some semblance of control over who he wants to be betrothed to.”

“Oh. I thought so. And, again, I can ask…anyone, right?”

“Yes. Why, do you have someone in mind?”

“Um. Yes. I do.”

Jain waited. I bit my lip, my heart pounding fast now. I opened my mouth then swallowed my words. I struggled, and then I finally spoke the word, “You.”

I wonder how I could have been so blind. It was glaringly obvious that Jain was the best person for me. He had supported me all the way through my transition and then continued to be with me. I always found myself happy whenever I was around him. More than usual, at least. It was as if my past no longer mattered when he was with me. Whenever he seemed down, I always noticed it. And all this time I had hidden the fact that I loved him from myself. I had concealed it so well that I even doubted myself. Jain was still silent. Sudden doubts make me speak in a rush, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand. I don’t want to force you into anything, Jain. I know it’s how your system works, but I don’t want you to be miserable. Because…yeah. And Ryna. I know you have Ryna, and I can tell she loves you and-”

I stop, because Jain still hasn’t said anything, and my torrent dries up. My mouth is parched and I struggle to swallow. Finally, Jain speaks. His words drop like stones into the cold air. They’re bitter and full of indecision and heavy sorrow, so much that it doubles my anxiety.

 “Ryna isn’t just my girlfriend, Zylin. She is my betrothed.”

I just spent my weekend praising the Lord! It was a lot of fun. Spend a lot of time with my friends and actually managed to make new ones over the course of three days. Some things weren’t as good as last year, but this year is definently one of the better ones.

Anyways, as my friend was driving me home I was listening to Hallelujah by Kate Voegele and it really struck a chord with me this time. I’ve been meaning to do so, but I’m going to pick up writing bible stories once more. I’ve done Joseph, Adam and Eve, and Jericho. None of them are very good, especially since I’ve lost a part of Jericho and Adam and Eve was written when I was younger. But the inspiration is that there is no story more beautiful and emotional then that of Jesus. I want to capture the emotion behind the events so they’re not  just dry words. Every time I think of his story, or here the words in his worship songs I try and think of a story situation that would encompass the same ideal that Jesus stands for. Someone who the people would completely give themseleves to. It just doesn’t work. God is the only one who ca be so perfect. If it’s not him, then it just looks like some crappy writer decided she wanted to make a super-powerful characters. It just doesn’t work.

So, anyways, since Jesus’ life encompassed a lot of important things I’m going to work on that slowly. I also have found new heart for Broken Heart, Shattered Dream. So I’m going to work on David’s major sin when he basicall sucumbs to lust. This is where Hallelujah comes in. The first verse goes:

Well I heard there was a sacred chord

David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don’t really care for music, do ya?

Well it goes like this: The fourth, the fifth

The minor fall, the major lift

Baffled king composing Halleleujah

And then the second verse goes:

Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof

Saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty in the moonlight over threw ya

Well, she tied you to her kitchen chair

she broke your throne, she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

I’m not sure what the kitchen chair is reference to, but the first three lines refer to Bathsheba and the “cut you hair” part refers to Samson, who lost his strength when he let a woman know the secret to his strength: His hair. Anyways, so this is the story I will be writing. Hard to say if you will actually see it on here, as I am trying to avoid posting things on here again for the sake of submitting the to contests…XD

Another one of my lovely characters from A Broken Story. ^^

Zanzion Azyr-A Broken Story

The Trickster

my mind’s name is toxias
but my body’s name is Zanzion Azyr
and my friends call me Z. My enemies call me Loki. The Trickster God.
It’s rude to ask, but I’m 23.
Sexual Preference: heterosexual.

I am a defender,
and I belong to Ironhide Clan, although it’s complicated at the moment. Just the way I like it.

I really enjoy confusing people, causing disorder, the look on people’s faces when I’ve tricked, ruffling the Praetor’s feathers, keeping the war on.
However, I REALLY HATE order, Marius (although I suppose we should get along), not being in power, being kept from a fight, losing, smart people, those with “deadly elegance”, peace…

I can control lightning/electricity and use what is called “Metal Meld”. It’s a rare ability that is specific to Warriors because of their earth control, but one that is even rarer because it requires actual intelligence to utilize properly. In essence, the right person with Metal Meld is capable of manipulating any modern innovation even if it doesn’t have metal in it. The larger the technology, the more power that has to be put into using the Meld. For example, an advanced missile system would probably leave me with very little ability to fight. A television on the other hand isn’t even an exertion. In the process, part of the user’s body tends to stick to the technology until the takeover is complete.…
but I don’t do well against dying. And sometimes my tricky alliance system gets me in a crap load of trouble. But hey, I’m still here ain’t I?
and I get very afraid of nothing. Well, of course dying and stuff. And pain. I also rather dislike the dark and dislike Avatars. ‘specially the feisty ones. But there’s nothing that I really fear. When you live a life like mine, death is the worst thing that can happen to you. And after death is nothing. So although its rather inconvenient for me to die, why should I fear death?

I kill people with my solar flares. These two guns are surprisingly light weight for the amount of damage that they are capable of dealing. So long as there’s sun, these babies will work all day. Moon light works too, but it’s not as effective. They shoot out white hot light that widens as it travels. Of course there’s a point where it winks out, but it usually hits something before it dies. I have two pistols tucked into their holsters just in case, as well as a pair of nunchaku and an extra chain that serves as a belt. The chain between the nunchaku can be elongated using the chain that I use as my belt and the nunchaku themselves contain hidden blades that click into position, changing the nunchaku into a whole new weapon with a long reach. I rarely use it though. It’s mostly for shows for the kids since it’s old timer and fancy. Hey, I gotta earn extra money somehow. …
And I just can’t leave home without my Elle. She’s a highly technical piece of equipment that is deceivingly plain. Hidden in the coils of a rope bracelet that I keep with me at all time, Elle is an AI programmed to follow my every whim and help me crack technology. She has a huge range that will allow me to control anything I have personally modified from a very large distance, although this tends to work only with smaller items such as communication devices. As a Defender, I also never take off a titanium ring with jade embedded in it. They’re more magical than technological. In essence, they allow me to create forcefields with that reflect any projectile and absorb any blow. Assuming I throw them up in time. The forcefield, however, covers a limited area of roughly the large shield typical of defenders (ie five by two and a half feet) This shape can be expanded slightly, but not much. It also does require a minimal amount of energy every time I use it. Irritating, huh? But hey, it’s saved my life before..
Here’s what happened up till now: Ahahaha! You want to know my past, do you? Sit back then, or start practicing with your weapon. Why? I’ll kill you, that’s why. No one but a select few know my past. I’ve killed the others, and the only people that do know only know snippets of it. I am, after all, Loki! I tell other people I was born and raised in the Iron Hide Clan and rose in its ranks, remaining there. I reveal nothing else.

In truth, I really was born into the Clan. I would be sold to the Praetors at a young age because of my ability with technology. I was a little devil then, I’ll admit. Bit people a lot. Huh, good days, those were. In any case, the Praetors helped me refine my powers, and in return I helped them perfect their technology. I spent a heck of a lot of time with the prissy Praetors, training in more than my powers. Combat, espionage, infiltration, sabotage. You name it, I did it. It was the Praetors that made me the way I am today. But after a while, I got sick of being ordered around. Killed a bunch of those idiots and ran off the Smoke City; had an avatar and a shaman disguise a body to look like mine and then killed them both off too. The Resistance accepted me with open arms. I helped them for a long time. All that technology they’ve got? That’s mostly my work. Partly telling them how to build and the rest of it nicked from under the Praetor’s snobby noses themselves. Served them right. But eventually, I got tired of the Resistance too. What were they doing for me? Nothing. I was their special dog, serving them as witlessly as I had the Praetors. Except at least the Praetors had money. I was living off rags and crap in the Resistance. I exploded in another rage, paying a shaman to doctor up a body to look like mine. Again. I took out some of the Resistance leaders with me and switched back to the Praetors. Back and forth back and forth.

I was recently with when the Resistance, ready to break when Praetors got me. They got a lot of smarty pants over there, you know? Figured out who I was. Contacted me. They struck a deal with me, and I remained in the Resistance. Spy work is very thrilling. My term in the Resistance is about to end, and when it does, I’ll finally be returning to the Iron Hides, allied with the Praetors. I’ll be in charge of my own segment and throw myself in the middle of some bloody warfare. In reality, I could care less who I’m killing, only that I’m killing. It’s fun, you see? And we Iron Hides benefit from the Chaos. I’m pretty chummy with the Praetors right now; they’ve got loads more to offer me than the Resistance, despite the fact that they’re quite pompous. Still, if they rub me the wrong way, I’ve got information I can give to the Resistance, and my guns are all primed for any target of any kind. They know what kind of damage I’ve dealt before.

Well, that’s my mournful past I guess. You ready to die now?

You still want to know more? Well. A little about myself, no? There’s a reason that they call me Loki, the Trickster God. I’ve got the cute little Norse Vikings and their lovely myths to thank for the nickname, and of course, wonderful me! I’m a trickster; I surprise people for a living. I’m wily and sly. You can’t count on me, unless you’re an Iron Hide. Even then, you better watch your back. People call me conceited, self centered, annoying among many other things that I won’t repeat here for those raw innocent ears that may be sulking around, waiting for a show from me. And I admit with pride that’s what I am. A fool. It seems to other people that I can’t ever be serious or pay attention. My methods are powerful and destructive, careless of consequences. I adore amusing myself, and I always always serve myself above others. I’m rash and mischievous as an imp. That’s what it seems on the outside, doesn’t it? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. Unlike my fellow meat bags Warriors, I do actually have some semblance of a brain. You see, how else would I use Metal Meld if I didn’t? I’m actually capable of making smart choices, but it annoys by “superiors” so much that it’s funny enough to not obey orders. Besides, I’m always capable of worming out of problems. No one has caught Loki. Like, ever. I very rarely get angry. Your indication that I do? Either a flying tempest (which will pass, leaving you with broken legs. Or something.) The other way I get angry is I lose my façade of being an idiot and become extremely cold hearted and icily efficient. You’ll end up dead, ally or not. I essentially sell killing. It’s how I keep alive.

So as you can probably tell (My-oh-so-intelligent and oh-so-nonexistant readers) I am going to be entering in aforementioned competition. I don’t think I’ll win, seeing as this is Writer’s Digest we’re talking about, but a girl can hope, no? Either way, the manuscript will wiggle its way onto this blog after results are sent out. Well, it’s a move to force my name out into the literary world. It’s tough stuff out there, huh? In anycase, I’ve been freaking myself out recently with a desire to write romances. It’s seriously making me wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I’m going to stick with Broken Heart, Shattered dream for now and hope this phase passes. It’s frankly quite scary for me, as I dislike reading romance books. But you have to consider, it’s powerful emotion that makes a book good. And love is an emotion that most readers can identify with; better than hate. Almost every book you read, every movie you watch, every manga you liquidfy your eyes out with (you know who I’m talking about ) involves some form of romance. Even Ares, this ridiculously gory manga I’m reading right now, includes a spot of romance. And of course, the haunting Michael ^^ I still think the writers/drawers did an excellent job of creating his unique and chilling persona.

So….let’s see…what else can I rant on? I realize that I’ve published a large majority of my writing here, contrary to my previous statements. I just finished writing another short story which will appear on here shortly. I’ve finished AP Exams and am taking Physcology instead of Art…introduced another character into what is becoming one of my favorite roleplays. His name is Zanzion, but he’s more known as Loki. Kudos to those who get the reference. Um…the writing that I’m sending in for the comp is titled “What the Sun Looks Like” Sayaka has already read it as has Skouri. Differing opinions, seeing as Sayaka is a girl and absolutly adored it. I’m not sure which opinion I want to trust. The whole idea was to get a bunch of people to read it and give me feed back but…that didn’t work XD.

Yeah, so this is essentially another pointless filler post about me talking about everything that comes to mind. Like Nigahiga. Funny people and a waste of my time when I should have been studying. Alas. Oh well.

After my first performance, almost all nervousness completely faded from my life. There was still that pre-performance twinge, but I’d come to expect it. It kept me sharp and on my toes. Most of my time with the band was spent entertaining younger people like me with Rock and Pop and other styles of music.

Tonight I have another performance, but it is still mid-day, and I have promised Soli that I will go grocery shopping and pick up Ryna’s dress from the tailor’s. The air is slightly chilly now, as autumn is fast approaching, but the sun beams down with enough strength that I can still wear a short sleeve shirt at get away with it. A few people greet me as they pass down the street and I smile back at them. How times have changed. Even Moon Shadow no longer scares me. The thought twists my mouth into an amused smile as I enter the grocery store.

The bell jingles softly to announce my arrival. The store is filled with the soft hum of the refrigerators. I stroll easily up and down the aisles, plucking items off the shelf, checking each one off on Soli’s list before moving on. I can’t help but sneak in a bag of chocolate, knowing that Elyn is very fond of Soli’s brownies. Actually, anyone who’s not fond of Soli’s brownies should be considered a very strange person.

After an hour or so I pay for my purchases and leave to grocery store, saying good bye to the store manager. I walk down the street towards the tailors and pick up another one of Ryna’s beautiful dresses. She says she’s a painter, but she could certainly be a model if she wanted to be. Soli might have been prettier than Ryna, but Ryna knew how to flaunt it. Thinking about this makes my spirits fall slightly. Ryna always make me feel inferior, despite the fact she is always so very nice to me. I feel sometimes as if everything she does is a charade, especially around Jain. I can’t quite figure out what it is about those too. Ryna seems to cling to Jain, while Jain simply appeases her. I have yet to see him reach out for her affection once. I think it bothers Ryna.

Lost in thoughts, I don’t notice where I’m going until I run smack into someone and my groceries go scattering. We both apologize at the same time. Brushing my hair out of my eyes, flustered, I look up to see Tezion, a sheepish grin on his face as he gathers up my purchases and rebags them for me deftly. As he does so, he greets me, “Hello Zylin. It’s good to see you again.”

What an understatement. I had seen Tezion often in the past few weeks. I had asked Jain about it, and he had said Tezion didn’t usually come to Lumasol often. When I had venture to ask Tezion, he said he had a lot of “business” in Lumasol recently. Still, it was nice to see him. He still dazzled me. Smiling and reaching out for the groceries I return, “Likewise. Still busy as ever I see.”

Tezion playfully pulls the groceries out of my reach, “Not busy enough to not ask you if you would honor me with lunch.”

It has been a habit of Tezion’s to ask me out, and it no longer bothered me, so I pretend to ponder it, “Hmm, I don’t know.”

Tezion sees right through me though and replies, “Surely you have the time.”

I give in, “Yes, I do, but you’ll have to come back to the apartment with me so I can drop this stuff of for my hall mates.”

“Naturally, lead the way.”

I roll my eyes, but let Tezion carry my groceries all the way to the apartment, where I pass Ryna’s dress to him before unlocking the door and taking them back. After all, if he wants to help, I’m not going to waste his effort. Allowing Tezion to lug the goods up to the kitchen, I lay Ryna’s dress out on her bed before joining Tezion. We put the groceries away. Or rather, I put the groceries away and Tezion watches me. I scribble a note out and slap it on the fridge, where someone is sure to find it and walk out. Jain is just coming up the stairs when he sees me. He’s about to say something when Tezion trails me into the room. I think I see Jain narrow his eyes slightly, but I can’t tell. It makes me feel strange, as if he has something to hide. I never felt that way about Jain when we were in rural Illysiim. Jain gives Tezion a brief nod of greeting, then turns to me and asks, “Zylin, you’re up for some practice right now?”

I shook my head apologetically, “Sorry Jain, I told Tezion I’d go out to lunch.”

Jain sighs, and then asks, “I’ll go myself them. Are you open this evening then? After the concert?”

“What concert?” Tezion injects. I explain, “Jain and I and the rest of our band have a performance tonight.” Turning to Jain I add, “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

A half-smile curves Jain’s lips, “A surprise. I think you’ll like it, Zy. It reminds me the night after your teaching experience.”

Ah! How mysterious. A matching smiled tugged at the corner of my lips. There was no joking with Jain on this one; he had caught my attention, “M’kay. I’ll keep my evening open then. See you then.”

Jain steps to the side as I descend the stairs, Tezion following with quiet silence. Somehow, I feel both their eyes boring into my back as I walk back into the warm sunlight of the day.

Tezion and I make good time through the streets of Lumasol, although I stop for a brief time to visit Moon Shadow. After feeding the beautiful steed half an apple, I allow Tezion to lead me through the streets of the city, which I know so well by now. All the same, he manages to surprise me when we show up at the more elegant side of town.

“Here we are.” Tezion announces, smiling at me. I glance at the restaurant, and then back at him, “I feel a bit underdressed.”

Tezion’s second smile manages to make me feel better all at once as he reassures me, “Not at all. Come on.”

I follow Tezion into the fine restaurant, Lumosity. A waiter takes us to a secluded corner near the back, next to a window that looks out over the crystalline river that meanders near Lumasol. It’s called the Serynad. Sitting down, I accept a menu from the waiter with nod of thanks. She asks us what we wish to drink.

“I think…just water, please.”

“And you, Mr. Tezion?”

“Water as well, thank you.”

The waiter steps away and I turn my gaze out the window. The afternoon sun sends glitter flashing across the broad surface of the Serynad. Unknowingly, my lips curl into a gentle smile.

“Beautiful.” Tezion says. A turn my eyes back on him and nod. The smile that he gives to me makes me wonder if he wasn’t talking about the Serynad. We spend some time looking out the window. The murmur of other people dining in Lumosity makes a soothing background. Tezion breaks the silence, sounding almost nervous, “If I may be so bold, Zylin, is it true that you have no memories from before your time in Illysiim?”

This makes me flinch. Although everyone in Lumasol has made me feel so welcome, and I feel as if this is my home now, it’s still very difficult to accept that everyone has these…memories. And I don’t. My hesitation makes Tezion backtrack quickly, “Ah, I’m sorry. It’s not my place to ask.”

I shake my head mildly, but keep my eyes on the table, “It’s fine Tezion. You just shocked me, that’s all. People usually step a little more carefully around the subject.”

At Tezion’s expression I add, “They beat around the bush too much. Frankly, I find it slightly irritating.” A sigh from me, “But yes, I have no memories from my previous life. It’s disconcerting at times, but my home is here now.”

“And we’re glad to have you here, Zylin.”

I look up at Tezion and find him staring intently at me. Something about this lunch makes me feel as if it’s different. I usually don’t mind Tezion’s company but…

I divert my attention from him by scanning the menu. When I flash a glance at Tezion, to my relief he is perusing the menu as well. When the waiter returns, we place an order for one light salad and pasta. After that we lapse into some light conversation, mainly pointless topics. My hallmates’ works, Ryna’s extravagant dresses, other popular bands, what it’s like outside of Lumasol, things like that. Our food arrives, and we continue to converse as we eat. I really do like Tezion. He’s funny and kind and gentlemanly. And I can’t deny it. He’s very handsome and charismatic, even alluring. I can tell that he’s the kind of guy that girls like. It’s only until we’re just about finished with our meal that things begin to get touchy.

“I love this place. The food is amazing, isn’t it?” Tezion comments.

I chuckle, “Yes, very good. I should bring Soli here sometime, or Ryna. They’d love the scenery as well as the food.”

“Or I could take you here again, if you would like. I really enjoy spending time with you, Zy.”

I probably should have picked up on his advance, but I just bantered back, “Perhaps. We’ll see when I have time again. I like spending time with you too.”

There was a pause, and then when I looked back at Tezion, his face was very serious. I give him a curious glance and wait for him to speak. He takes a deep breath, and then leans forward, taking my hands. His silver eyes capture mine, and in a low almost seductive yet pleading voice he asks, “Zylin, will you be my betrothed?”

I’m stunned into silence, then I manage, “Um. Betrothed? Are you…asking to marry me?”

It was in times like these that I appreciate the fact that I have some information from my past that has stilled stuck in my head. It’s a credit to Tezion, who unlike most young men, forged on with the same level of confidence as he explains, “I’m asking you to ask me to marry me.”

Well, that was confusing, “Er…Tezion, this is another one of those strange Illysiim things that I haven’t heard about yet, isn’t it?”

This manages to break Tezion’s seriousness, “You…haven’t heard of betrothals yet?”

I shake my head, I pull my hands out of his. Tezion leans back and then forward once more. He takes another deep breath and then explains, “Here in Illysiim, women are usually dominant. In matters of marriage, this is especially so. We have a system in Illysiim that allows a woman to choose any man that pleases her, the only condition being that she must stay with this man for the rest of her life. And the man usually has no choice in the matter. So, this is an extremely important choice.”

It took a second or two to understand what Tezion was trying to tell me. I’m speechless, and then I can feel myself blushing the color of sunsets and then some. I like Tezion, but not in that way. I grasp for an answer, and I end up standing and trying to stammer out an answer, “Ah, yes. This is a very important decision…for me. I, um, actually haven’t given it a lot of thought but, um…yeah. I have to think about it, Tezion. And…I r-really must go.”

I all but flee out the restaurant, not thinking about it being the height of rudeness. I walk at a fast clip down the streets until I reach the apartment. I fling myself inside, literally charge up the stairs, ignore Elyn’s dark look and throw myself into the safety of my room, collapsing on my bed and shutting the door firmly.

Oh lord. What am I to do?

After a good while, I finally compose myself and attempt to clean up some of the mess in my room. Ok. So, Tezion wants to marry me. No big deal. It’s my choice. I’ll just say no. He’s lived in Illysiim all this life. Surely he’ll understand. It is his system after all. A huge sigh explodes from me as I plop back down on my bed and throw the music sheets on the night stand. Trying to relax, I breath in a few deep breaths and close my eyes. Who would I ever want to betroth?

Seems like Anime and Manga are always very huge things among teenagers. It’s just the obsession with the Japanese culture, hai? (Haha, get it? Get it? XD) J-pop too, although in my opinion, K-pop is much bigger, although that just may be from my bias. Gotta love those huggable Koreans . In anycase, this is not another one of my random ramblings. Instead, I’m here to promote a friend of mine, who has recently started up a fanfic of Naruto. Now seeing as I haven’t actually watched Naruto Anime since Shippuden started, I’m so lost and I refuse to spoil anything for you all, so don’t ask me XD. So, tada! Le linkage! Shana the Short. She’s a great friend of mine from mon lycee, an amazing artist, and an amazing writer. We’re supposed to be writing a book together, but Miss Shana seems to have forgotten about it. I’ll have to bother her once the AP crap is over. So, go support her! My invisible readers.

I’ve been reading the manga Ares on advice from a friend of mine, and for all of your information, I currently believe that Michael is an amazingly drawn/described/portrayed character of absolute ruthlessness. He makes me beautifully angry! What an excellent creation of a character. Roar. *coughs*

Oh, We won Regional Semi-finals, but lost the finals. Cries. Yeah, long over by now.

! Yesterday I decided upon listing my favorite roleplaying characters of all time! That would be…Kuril Aravis: Lord of the Shadows, Clara Rakosa: The Leopard, Eva (insert various last names): Apathy Incarnate, James Dundian: The Decieving Angel, and Erythra Taz: Glory Angel. I believe the only two I may not have posted are little miss impudent (Eva) and my adorable James (who is in no way based of the spunky vietamese friend you’re probably thinking about right now, considering my non-existant audience).

In anycase, I should go to sleep now. I’m still not spazzing out for my exam, which is very much worrying. So, Bonsoir all. XD

More waste of time as I attempt to scrape things together for that exam…what a pitiful end to this post…

 It’s been two weeks since I’ve arrived in Lumasol, and closer to one and a half months since my arrival in Illysium. Yet I feel as if I’ve lived in Lumasol all my life. A meeting with the city council assigned me to a band that included Jain and three other guys. Several days’ worth of shopping has filled my dresser with all sorts of clothes, and music sheets now are scattered across the floor and pinned up to a wall in my room. Aerin and Soli, the quieter of the group have become something like soul mates. They’ve been true friends to me from the start, although Aerin is often lost in her own little world. I’ve even become accustomed to Elyn, and it is a credit to her that people often call me “Zy”. As it turns out, Jain also lives with the girls, which explains why he has a key to their apartment. His room is on the very bottom floor, apparently, under mine, which makes it quite convenient for him to-

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Hit the ceiling with a broom stick when he wants me to hurry up. It’s now almost seven in the evening, and my very first performance is coming up. I can feel my nerves protesting already. I shrug on a jacket over my dress and yell, “I’m coming! Goodness!”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Jain!” Elyn shouts in return, “You’re making her bother me!”

Elyn slams the door to her room shut. She’s at the very top of the apartment, in the loft. I make a face in that general direction and hurry down the stairs, snagging the music I had left on the coffee table in the living room. Aerin is once again plopped in front of the desk, chewing on the end of her pen. I give her a quick hug and remind her, “Doesn’t matter what the rule of thumb is, Aerin, don’t kill them off!”

Aerin rolls her eyes at me, but smiles and says, “Have fun.”

I make a face at that too and hurry down the stairs, almost running into Jain, who’s dressed in a nice blue and white dress shirt and khaki pants. Ryna is hanging onto his arm, fully decked out, which still makes my self-esteem waver. Not a good feeling for someone who’s already nervous. And the little skip my heart makes at seeing her and Jain together isn’t wonderful either. I tell myself the feeling will pass with time.

“Let’s go.” Ryna says, opening the door to let the cool evening air swirl in. Jain sidesteps her and takes the door, letting us walk through. We then walk to our venue for the night. It’s a higher class social event, which means Jain has to ditch his drums. He’s playing duet with me tonight.

After a walk of ten, fifteen minutes or so, we come to the pavilion, where a few guests are already gathered. One of the guitarist from our band waves at us. He too, has to drop his customary instrument for the bass. The other guitarist grins, checking his saxophone one last time. The lead singer is playing the flute today, leaving the other guy to run things solo. It’s a good things that this band doesn’t have to fill for classical events like these often. They’re pretty casual, easy going guys.

“Heya, Zy. ‘Sup Jain!” the lead singer greets us. Her name is Utani. Ryna looks a little miffed that Utani doesn’t greet her. She apparently decides against saying anything, but gives Jain a quick peck before disappearing to socialize with other people. Utani grins and pretends to swoon, “Oh, the lonely life of the musician! How misunderstood we are!”

I’m feeling too nervous to laugh as Jain waves after Ryna while joking, “Oh woe, what ever shall we do?”

“All right guys, let’s get this over with.” The guitarist-bass player says. He’s Rion, makeshift leader of our little gang. Snatching Utani by the arm, he pretends to drag her up the stage steps before releasing her and walking with dignity towards where he set his bass down. Utani laughs, and then copies his professionalism as she walks onto stage, her flute already in her hand. Antuan, the guitarist-saxophonist is already on stage. He final checks the microphones as Jain and I make our way up onto the stage as well. I gingerly sit myself down on the bench and swallow a lump in my throat as Jain sits next to me. The bench is angled so the audience can see both Jain and myself, and the fact that I can see all the people isn’t helping. I tremble, setting up the sheaf of music. Jain nudges me, “You’ll be fine, Zylin. Trust me. Practice is all you’ve done. You’ll do perfectly.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Rion speaks softly, “One and two and three and four and go.”

My eyes snap open and I watch as Jain plays his part, an introductory solo. I silently keep count of the beats in my head, and then place my hands on the piano, this time with no need for Jain to fix my positioning. One and two and three go! I enter in the song in perfect time with everyone else. As I continue to play, my nervousness fades and I find myself enjoying the piano as much as I had the first time I’d played it, which was an enormous relief. I successfully passed the first of our introductory songs, which was met by a polite smatter of applause from those who had already arrived. Over the course of another ten, fifteen minutes or so, all the guests had arrived. We stopped playing to allow the host to say something on the microphone. He welcomes the guests, and lets them loose at the food. We take a quick break, and then we’re back, playing interlude music as the party-goers socialize and eat.

There’s a soft chatter across the pavilion, lit by torches. Vines twirl up the ancient-style columns, and the floor is made of marble. It’s a beautiful place, and sets the mood of the music quite well. After an hour or so, the people settle down, and we begin to play in earnest. I didn’t make a single mistake, much to my relief. And finally we were done with our performance and the guests were leaving. As Rion, Utari, and Antuan packed up their instruments, Jain and I stood around. It wasn’t our job to lug around the heavy piano, much to our gratitude. We watched the party dissipate as waiters picked up trash and what not. There was one man who caught my eye. Nudging Jain to get his attention, I tilt my head towards the good-looking man, “Who’s he? I’ve never seen him before.”

“That’s Tezion. He’s a very rich man from out of town. He visits Lumasol from time to time.”

Jain seems a bit tense to me, so I nod and don’t pursue the subject. But the subject seems intent on coming to me, as Tezion saunters up the stage to greet me. He is a young man, perhaps a little older than me, with platinum blond hair, silver eyes, and a smooth tan. He gives a smile and sticks out a hand for me to shake, “Hello, I’m Tezion. I’ve never seen you around here before. If I may be so bold, who are you? You did a great job tonight.”

A few weeks ago, I probably would have hidden behind Jain, or made a complete fool of myself by stammering. But today I simply blushed softly and shook his hand, replying, “Thank you. That was my first performance. I’m Zylin. Nice to meet you”

“The pleasure’s all mine.” Tezion smiles, dazzling me. He is very handsome. Checking his watch, he apologizes, “Well, I must go now. Perhaps we’ll meet again. Good bye!”

“Good bye.”

It is only then that I notice Jain seems…shaded. More than usual, at least. There’s something in his eyes that I can’t read. Something…dark…and possibly sad. But it can’t be. The feeling that something is wrong with Jain is swept away as Ryna comes up the stage and hugs him, “What a beautiful job, Jain! You too, Zy. Come now, let’s go home. I’ve eaten, but Soli is going to want to feed you both!”

My stomach rumbles a fervent agreement. Ryna links her hand through Jain’s and I follow them, feeling left out, but not enough to make me uncomfortable. I was still basking in my first performance. We chat softly as we make our way home, greeting those who are out on their evening walks. We reach home safely, and true to her character, Soli has made dinner for us. Everyone else is already locked up in their rooms, doing something or the other. Even Aerin has abandoned her post by the desk. Ryna excuses herself to change and makes some modifications to her latest work, leaving Jain and I to eat our dinner in peace and quiet.

A bright flash makes me flinch, and then I realize Soli has taken a picture. I laugh softly, and then Jain pokes me in the side, making me jump. The camera flashes again, catching me in the awkward position. Soli is laughing now too, with Jain, who clearly hasn’t gotten past his teasing tendencies. For a moment, it feels as if I’m back in the rural areas of Illysiim, and it’s just me and Jain again. I pretend to scowl at Jain, jabbing back at him. He dodges and reaches to poke me again. I grab his hand with both hands before he can get me, grinning wildly now, but I’m not good enough to catch his other hand. I jump, giving a gentle shout. Soli is clearly happy with chances for her pictures.

After a while, we settle down and finish dinner. Soli excuses herself, telling us to throw our plates into the sink when we’re done; she’ll clean them tomorrow. I bid her a good night. I pick up my plate and Jain’s, moving into the kitchen. I’m tempted to leave them for Soli to do, but I end up deciding to give her a break. She tends to do everything around the house. Rinsing off the plates, I feel Jain’s gentle touch on my back. His black eyes burn into my dark brown ones as he says, “Good night, Zylin.”

We seem to be suspended there for a million years, when in reality it is only a few moments. There’s a feeling that I can’t describe. It’s a warm feeling, as if that hole that opened up when I came to Lumasol was finally closed. Yet, I feel paralyzed as heat burned through my nerves. I can only watch as Jain steps out the other end of the kitchen and descends the stairs. When I finally can move, I finish the dishes and stumble to bed, changing with fumbling fingers before collapsing into bed.

What was that?